On the road again…and then?
I am sitting here on my couch, sipping a half-melted iced latte, and thinking about another break I will be taking. I leave on Wednesday, so all emails and other responsibilities will be on hold.
I am turning 30 in a few weeks. A big reason why I have taken a lot more leisure time this year is due to the fact I am turning 30. To honor the time, energy, and sacrifices I've made in my 20’s.
Tattooing might seem like an easy job. And for all intents, it can be. But I do not come from an easy life, or an easy take on what could be an easy job. I have white-knuckled my way to fight for every inch of the freedoms and skills in this craft that I have today. I have missed birthdays, gatherings, holidays, important once-in-a-lifetime events because I had to show up. I was not always surrounded by supportive people. Malice existed even in my workplace at times. I put a lot go pressure on myself to be good at something. My parents (with good intention even if it wasn’t the best execution) did too. I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty details of what I went through, it’d be too long.
Anyway, I missed out on a lot of my youth. I did not have the privilege of having a 5 year plan when tomorrow was uncertain. I started tattooing at 18 professionally but I truthfully was tattooing people as early as 14 years old. That means I’ve been tattooing and working for literally HALF of my entire life so far—shoutout to Nick for pointing that out!! Sent me for a loop!!!!
I’ve spent a lot of my life working extremely hard and I’ve seen too many summers left un-enjoyed. Its also left me zero identity outside of my work. I’ve been spending this past year building that part of myself up. I not only want to be more interesting, but I really want my compassion and understanding of people to extend beyond the moments I sit and chat while we tattoo. I was craving deeper connections with people I loved, more connections to new ones, and above all a better relationship with myself. This year, while maybe slower tattooing wise, has been a huge step forward in my personal life. I needed to slow down and really access what I’ve needed and wanted in the people around me and in myself. I am full of gratitude for the people I continue to stay connected to, and for the ones who have been there during my early days of tattooing. It actually makes me want to cry thinking about how much love I have for them.
I want to thank my 20’s for being incredibly messy and hard. For being everything I needed it to be, even when I did not want it. I survived a pandemic (literally was my biggest fear) and moved to NYC anyway. I didn’t give up on myself. I hope to carry this tenacious energy with me for as long as I live.
I want to thank you too, for being there, reading this, and giving me a bit of your time today.